As the end of coursework draws ever nearer (hallelujah) and I suffer through the grinding and darn near worthless course taught by a LooseGoose in a subject that's supposed to be at or near the core of my whole phd existence, and I attempt to pull together readings that make sense on my diss topic and play 'find a theory' -- I wonder .... WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING????!!!!!
"Gee, that's news!" NOT
I know, I know --- I've said it all before. But I sense as the coursework part winds down, the pressure on the dissertation work ramps up, the details and little nudges of our damn funding continue to make odd, sometimes idiosyncratic requests of us, and the future of near ABD status looms --- that things are only going to get harder. Or worse. Or worse and harder.
I'm not making as quick and steady and definitive a progress in my 'find a theory' and related reading work as I thought, or as my friends Astro and Mambo seem to be. I keep going off on little tangents, or just reading whatever comes from the last set of readings and playing the 'citation chain gang game'. Not that that's bad. It's not, it's good. It's just not what I thought I was going to be doing exactly, or more, what I think I'm supposed to be doing. And I have no idea whether I'm really making progress or not.
And I worry that I'm not worried enough about this. I worry that I don't know what I'm doing anymore, or right now, and that I'm losing my spark for this. Not good news heading into the end of coursework, the summer, and the long fall and more of ABD-land or ABD-dom.
Showing posts with label Grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grad school. Show all posts
Friday, April 27, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Note to self
Do NOT ... I repeat NOT, take more than 2 grad school, PhD-y classes atthe same time, and certainly not 3, with one being at a different university, on a different academic topic, on a different academic calendar.
Unless of course you WANT to lose your sanity and precious sleep when terms start overlapping and the ramp-up reading for one course coincides with the finals, presentations and whopping papers of another course.
I'm nuts .... just plain freaking nuts. And I seriously question what on earth I was thinking or what I've gotten out of this little exercise?!!
I think, no I really hope, that as I finish the bloody paper for this off-campus 'extra' course that I figure out how it fits in and really moves me forward. Especially since it was my bloody idea to take the bloody thing in the first place!! Nuts I tell you, nuts.
Unless of course you WANT to lose your sanity and precious sleep when terms start overlapping and the ramp-up reading for one course coincides with the finals, presentations and whopping papers of another course.
I'm nuts .... just plain freaking nuts. And I seriously question what on earth I was thinking or what I've gotten out of this little exercise?!!
I think, no I really hope, that as I finish the bloody paper for this off-campus 'extra' course that I figure out how it fits in and really moves me forward. Especially since it was my bloody idea to take the bloody thing in the first place!! Nuts I tell you, nuts.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Singed ... but not burnt
Ok ... in the last post, among many ramblings, was some frustration and upset over how my annual 'review' thingie seemed to have gone and how I felt that my committee didn't feel I was on the right path, that I was in some ways 'unqualified' to be going after my stated topics.
And how I didn't necessarily disagree!
But I was clearly frustrated, panicked, bewildered, hurt, annoyed ..... Anyway, I waited a few hours... I think ... and then sent a polite, gently inquiring message to Advocate asking for a 'check-in' on how she thought things went.
Well .... I feel slightly better now... at least because Advocate is in my corner and not overly concerned.
Yes, the committee did have some concerns, particularly regarding the education and potential school library focus of my research and that my background didn't quite support this, or give me the grounding and/or experience necessary to teach in this area when I was done. Hello??!!! This is not news ! I believe I've said the same damn things myself!
Hmmmmmm .... or maybe I've only been saying them to myself... and the incredibly small number of people worldwide who might read this blog. I swear I've voiced this concern to Advocate before! Haven't I?? Damn! The stress of grad school is f---ing up my memory! No really, I know I've talked with Advocate about this, but the rest of the committee, probably not.
Still... no need to rip my already tattered ego to further shreds.
But Advocate provides a needed reality, and confidence, boost. She says not to worry, I'm on a good path, and so I don't worry, because I believe in her and her experience fully.
So I got a little singed and seared in the review ... but contrary to my last thoughts, not burned to a little crisp.
Yet ....
And how I didn't necessarily disagree!
But I was clearly frustrated, panicked, bewildered, hurt, annoyed ....
Well .... I feel slightly better now... at least because Advocate is in my corner and not overly concerned.
Yes, the committee did have some concerns, particularly regarding the education and potential school library focus of my research and that my background didn't quite support this, or give me the grounding and/or experience necessary to teach in this area when I was done. Hello??!!! This is not news ! I believe I've said the same damn things myself!
Hmmmmmm .... or maybe I've only been saying them to myself... and the incredibly small number of people worldwide who might read this blog. I swear I've voiced this concern to Advocate before! Haven't I?? Damn! The stress of grad school is f---ing up my memory! No really, I know I've talked with Advocate about this, but the rest of the committee, probably not.
Still... no need to rip my already tattered ego to further shreds.
But Advocate provides a needed reality, and confidence, boost. She says not to worry, I'm on a good path, and so I don't worry, because I believe in her and her experience fully.
So I got a little singed and seared in the review ... but contrary to my last thoughts, not burned to a little crisp.
Yet ....
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Time flies...
"...when you're having fun", or so the quote goes.
I'm not sure that's at all apt here. Since when is grad school "fun"??!!
But time sure flies anyway. One minute it's a Friday, I'm having a good chat with Blue about a research project and I swear the next minute it's nearly two weeks later and I haven't gotten done half of what I wanted to, or planned to, on that research project or half of my other crap. Damn. I've been so busy I haven't gotten anything done.
And now by the time I get around to actually posting this 'post' an entire month will have elapsed since I had this particualr angst, and yet it all still rings so true! I'm further along in the project with Blue, but we're not quite where we wanted to be, and are having some techie issues trying to share data collection and make sure we both know what the other is doing.
In the meantime though I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I have no idea where this term has gone. I have not a clue how I will get finsihed all that still needs to be done, and yet I've been super productive through most of the winter. So much so that at times I seem like I never get any sleep, or have time to sit and think about reserch or projects, or hell, just to breathe!
It seems like every deadline I could possibly have, for what seems like the whole damn year, all hit in the same 3 week or so period. Conferences, workshops, doc student consortia, internal paper deadlines, annual reviews, personal stuff-- you name it, it's all been due the past month. And naturally that's also when my immune system gave up and of course I wound up with the flu. Not the 24-48 hour kind like all my friends and relatives.... oh nooooo... I get the strain that lingers for a week, leaves you feeling like you got run over by a Mack truck and then lets crap linger in your head and chest for weeks. Oh joy.
So there, that's why my pathetic self hasn't been blogging in forever. Yes, the outlet would've been good for me, get some of the stress out. Gawd knows there's been enough of that lately. So maybe better late than never.
I'm not sure that's at all apt here. Since when is grad school "fun"??!!
But time sure flies anyway. One minute it's a Friday, I'm having a good chat with Blue about a research project and I swear the next minute it's nearly two weeks later and I haven't gotten done half of what I wanted to, or planned to, on that research project or half of my other crap. Damn. I've been so busy I haven't gotten anything done.
And now by the time I get around to actually posting this 'post' an entire month will have elapsed since I had this particualr angst, and yet it all still rings so true! I'm further along in the project with Blue, but we're not quite where we wanted to be, and are having some techie issues trying to share data collection and make sure we both know what the other is doing.
In the meantime though I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I have no idea where this term has gone. I have not a clue how I will get finsihed all that still needs to be done, and yet I've been super productive through most of the winter. So much so that at times I seem like I never get any sleep, or have time to sit and think about reserch or projects, or hell, just to breathe!
It seems like every deadline I could possibly have, for what seems like the whole damn year, all hit in the same 3 week or so period. Conferences, workshops, doc student consortia, internal paper deadlines, annual reviews, personal stuff-- you name it, it's all been due the past month. And naturally that's also when my immune system gave up and of course I wound up with the flu. Not the 24-48 hour kind like all my friends and relatives.... oh nooooo... I get the strain that lingers for a week, leaves you feeling like you got run over by a Mack truck and then lets crap linger in your head and chest for weeks. Oh joy.
So there, that's why my pathetic self hasn't been blogging in forever. Yes, the outlet would've been good for me, get some of the stress out. Gawd knows there's been enough of that lately. So maybe better late than never.
Friday, January 26, 2007
You get a gold star!
I've actually gotten some good work done the past 24-36 hours and am feeling both surprised and a bit righteous.
Ok...that righteous feeling will go away REALLY quickly, especially if I bother to look that the to-do list of projects I should be working on, submissions I should have ready or going, articles to read, conferences to think about, dissertation proposal pieces to work on, etc etc, ad nauseum.
Well...that about did it right there. Wonderful... I'm my own personal joy-kill, or kill-joy.
..sigh...
I WAS feeling good because of seeing some progress on projects and my work. I'm not going to get into details here since I'm a paranoid idiot...but let's just leave it at 'digital library related' and 'teens and web or digital library related'. Gawd, could I be more vague??!!
The second of those 'mentioned' projects is one I'm doing outside of my work at Metro U, on an area of interest and something a bit tangential to my Diss work. But I'm doing it because it's interesting, will give me something publishable while the Big D work is in progress and winding through the Hell of IRB. [THAT is another topic for another blog post... or a whole bunch of 'em sometime!] And perhaps most importantly, I'm doing it because I get to work with Blue on it. Any chance to reconnect and keep things going with my former advisor, and always mentor, is a big plus in my book. So the project will fly on under the radar.
How long it flies under the radar may be limited as I need to make some progress reports to the Powers that Be soon...and because I kind of want access to some data that's now housed at Metro and connected to my 'work' project.
Ok...I admit. That made sense only to my addled little brain, and even then I'm not 100% sure of that. This may be one of those great posts that made sense to me at the time I wrote it, and if I read it again in 3 months I'll go "huh??" particularly becuase of my cryptic nature. I may fool even myself...
Ok...that righteous feeling will go away REALLY quickly, especially if I bother to look that the to-do list of projects I should be working on, submissions I should have ready or going, articles to read, conferences to think about, dissertation proposal pieces to work on, etc etc, ad nauseum.
Well...that about did it right there. Wonderful... I'm my own personal joy-kill, or kill-joy.
..sigh...
I WAS feeling good because of seeing some progress on projects and my work. I'm not going to get into details here since I'm a paranoid idiot...but let's just leave it at 'digital library related' and 'teens and web or digital library related'. Gawd, could I be more vague??!!
The second of those 'mentioned' projects is one I'm doing outside of my work at Metro U, on an area of interest and something a bit tangential to my Diss work. But I'm doing it because it's interesting, will give me something publishable while the Big D work is in progress and winding through the Hell of IRB. [THAT is another topic for another blog post... or a whole bunch of 'em sometime!] And perhaps most importantly, I'm doing it because I get to work with Blue on it. Any chance to reconnect and keep things going with my former advisor, and always mentor, is a big plus in my book. So the project will fly on under the radar.
How long it flies under the radar may be limited as I need to make some progress reports to the Powers that Be soon...and because I kind of want access to some data that's now housed at Metro and connected to my 'work' project.
Ok...I admit. That made sense only to my addled little brain, and even then I'm not 100% sure of that. This may be one of those great posts that made sense to me at the time I wrote it, and if I read it again in 3 months I'll go "huh??" particularly becuase of my cryptic nature. I may fool even myself...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Help from the blogosphere
Saw this post on BlogHer, which I don't often read (but very occasionally look at the education blogroll), but caught this one because of the reference to Bitch PhD. Post is about a talk given at Emory about mentoring grad students. [conference on education was going on at same time...I thought about trying to submit for this one or go to it at some point...may do so someday-- Educause. ]
I really like this part discussing something that many grad students undoubtedly feel at some time, I know I sure as hell have... "imposter syndrome".
Wow. Well, that pretty much sums up a whole lot of complaining, venting, angsting, whining and banging my head against a wall for the past 18 months...literally, figuratively and "blog-ily".
Why can't Metro U or my dept have some of these mentoring tools and tips as mentioned in the Bitch PhD talk, or one the many websites out there for helping grad students? Like this one from U of North TX for Sociology students, or this one from Inside Higher Ed [didn't I blog about this earlier???] ? this site has a long article on mentoring (in a very poorly designed website. ugh. and I have serious concerns about its credibility despite its good intentions because I have no idea who this org is... ahh, an information literacy and web credibility problem within my own little posting...great!) From a more credible site (About.com-- commercial yes, but fairly reliable and credible) there's an article as part of a series on grad studies and relationships with faculty. From the west there's this set of resources from U Washington, including a link to 'helping prepare future faculty'.
I'm not the only one out in the blogosphere looking for help, railing at their university to do more, do something more concrete and logical. Love this quote, "Signing progress reports does not a mentor make. " HA! Hello, Metro U?? Are you listening??!
This started as me wanting to link out to others in the academic blogosphere who are helping others, and to take some of that energy out there and channel it. I don't have a whole lot to offer back in terms of mentoring, but I'll work on it for later.
I really like this part discussing something that many grad students undoubtedly feel at some time, I know I sure as hell have... "imposter syndrome".
One such issue is impostor
syndrome, where, in a grad school context, you feel as if you don't
really belong where you are, that you're a fraud and everyone will eventually
find out. You're not intelligent enough, you haven't read enough, you don't work
as hard as everyone else--and when you do work
hard, you feel as if your labor gets you nowhere.
Wow. Well, that pretty much sums up a whole lot of complaining, venting, angsting, whining and banging my head against a wall for the past 18 months...literally, figuratively and "blog-ily".
Why can't Metro U or my dept have some of these mentoring tools and tips as mentioned in the Bitch PhD talk, or one the many websites out there for helping grad students? Like this one from U of North TX for Sociology students, or this one from Inside Higher Ed [didn't I blog about this earlier???] ? this site has a long article on mentoring (in a very poorly designed website. ugh. and I have serious concerns about its credibility despite its good intentions because I have no idea who this org is... ahh, an information literacy and web credibility problem within my own little posting...great!) From a more credible site (About.com-- commercial yes, but fairly reliable and credible) there's an article as part of a series on grad studies and relationships with faculty. From the west there's this set of resources from U Washington, including a link to 'helping prepare future faculty'.
I'm not the only one out in the blogosphere looking for help, railing at their university to do more, do something more concrete and logical. Love this quote, "Signing progress reports does not a mentor make. " HA! Hello, Metro U?? Are you listening??!
This started as me wanting to link out to others in the academic blogosphere who are helping others, and to take some of that energy out there and channel it. I don't have a whole lot to offer back in terms of mentoring, but I'll work on it for later.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Recommended Reading
Yah...like academic, grad student bloggers don't already have enough in their lives to read! Sheesh. Sometimes I think the web and all its Web2.0-ness glory is just one big conspiracy to keep productivity down and keep all those little students out there from ever graduating!!
That said...I'm gonna be distracted, and distracting, anyway. Ha. So there.
H/T to Elle for the links to the new Carnival of Gradual Progress. Now there's one I can get behind.
Hmm...speaking of 'behind' that seems to be the perfect descriptor for the state of my work.
Another potentially relevant one is Carnival of Education, now in its 102nd...ummm...what do ya call it? "format", "iteration", "round" ??? For a doc student in info thingies I'm not as up on this as I perhaps should be. H/T to Education Wonks for the link.
And a great post commenting on Friedman's bestselling "World Is Flat" book (which Golden Child gave to everyone this year with admonishment to read it 'now'. Right...I'll just slip that into my bedtime reading pile, or perhaps a little light travel reading?!!) and about some recent data that may dispute a few major points of Friedman. Hmm. Things to think about.
Oooooh! 'digital media alert!' 'beware of history'
Great new digital collection project called "African American Women in Iowa" from U. of Iowa. Have to come back and explore further. Found it at Research Buzz.
And can someone please tell me how (and why) taking our shoes off, or standing on ridiculuous and malfunctioning scanners, in the name of "improved security" helps us at airports, when it's apparently this easy for a kid to sneak onto not one, but TWO, flights--without a ticket or a guardian??? Hellooooo??!! I think the TSA has it all wrong. Boneheads...
ok, that's more than enough distractions. Oops, look at the time! Darn, another evening of 'hoping to get some work done' wasted....
That said...I'm gonna be distracted, and distracting, anyway. Ha. So there.
H/T to Elle for the links to the new Carnival of Gradual Progress. Now there's one I can get behind.
Hmm...speaking of 'behind' that seems to be the perfect descriptor for the state of my work.
Another potentially relevant one is Carnival of Education, now in its 102nd...ummm...what do ya call it? "format", "iteration", "round" ??? For a doc student in info thingies I'm not as up on this as I perhaps should be. H/T to Education Wonks for the link.
And a great post commenting on Friedman's bestselling "World Is Flat" book (which Golden Child gave to everyone this year with admonishment to read it 'now'. Right...I'll just slip that into my bedtime reading pile, or perhaps a little light travel reading?!!) and about some recent data that may dispute a few major points of Friedman. Hmm. Things to think about.
Oooooh! 'digital media alert!' 'beware of history'
Great new digital collection project called "African American Women in Iowa" from U. of Iowa. Have to come back and explore further. Found it at Research Buzz.
And can someone please tell me how (and why) taking our shoes off, or standing on ridiculuous and malfunctioning scanners, in the name of "improved security" helps us at airports, when it's apparently this easy for a kid to sneak onto not one, but TWO, flights--without a ticket or a guardian??? Hellooooo??!! I think the TSA has it all wrong. Boneheads...
ok, that's more than enough distractions. Oops, look at the time! Darn, another evening of 'hoping to get some work done' wasted....
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
In absentia...me
So, not only is my "cranium" in absentia lately... I've actually been "in absentia."
Yeah, I know it's only the beginning of the damn term and I've already skipped town...oh that bodes well!! I've got whatever you call 'senior-itis' but for grad studentes who are tired of sitting in classrooms and want to be on doing something else...like, oh maybe, THEIR F---N DISSERTATION work???!!!!
--big sigh, bigger eye roll, seriously melodramatic stance--
Like I believe Elle said a few weeks ago, I've just to get over my damn self now don't I?! Seriously, all I seem to do in this little piece of the blogosphere is whine. Ok, I occasionally post links to items of interest that I've read and have no hope of remembering[ooohh....like this one...how did I miss "national religious freedom day" and how do I celebrate it??!] if I don't link them somewhere, and even then my memory is suspect...but really, all the 'personal' posts seem to have this whingy, pity-me, acid dripping cynical tone. Gawd...is that all that these years of grad school have reduced me to...and me with years of hard-core Diss. work yet to go???!! Oh man...
Hell, I think the first post of this year was even something along the lines of a resolution to QUIT doing that...and I seem to have a really lousy start on that 'resolution'.
Ok...now how on earth did I get from writing about not writing (huh?!) to my whiney ass-self? I swear sometimes I need to get checked for that adult ADD or something.[oooo...pretty shiny blog things...oooo... gotta remember to read this one more, not like I need more books, but still..] Add on top of that the fact that I seem to rival a goldfish for short term memory and it's just a bundle of fun getting older folks! sigh...
Hmmm.. here's another interesting blog post about digital media and research on digi media...didn't I post about this a short while ago, or did I just imagine that I read something, linked to it, and wrote a post about it???
Alright, I think I was going to write about how I've been on the road...again...and that's why no postings for days. Not that I didn't have my laptop...I do. Not that I don't have internet...I do...wireless even. Not that I haven't been checking email and working on the computer...I have. I just have let time get away from me while I'm away on personal business. The computer time i have carved out has been mostly spent on the important, and necessary, bits of school related work that just HAD to be done on a certain time frame, and other than that, little else Net related.
And I haven't even done more of the school related stuff I should be. I had this meeting on Friday before leaving town where I kinda sorta publicly stated I was going to try to submit a proposal, based on my Diss. topic, to a doctoral student consortium at a major conference in Far Away City, this summer.
ummmmm....deadline is this coming Monday. WHAT THE F--K was I thinking??????!!!! Oh holy hell....
something tells me the plane ride home to a wintry, cold, wet, miserable home in the Burbs ain't gonna be nearly as productive as I imagined it might be. oh crud....
Yeah, I know it's only the beginning of the damn term and I've already skipped town...oh that bodes well!! I've got whatever you call 'senior-itis' but for grad studentes who are tired of sitting in classrooms and want to be on doing something else...like, oh maybe, THEIR F---N DISSERTATION work???!!!!
--big sigh, bigger eye roll, seriously melodramatic stance--
Like I believe Elle said a few weeks ago, I've just to get over my damn self now don't I?! Seriously, all I seem to do in this little piece of the blogosphere is whine. Ok, I occasionally post links to items of interest that I've read and have no hope of remembering[ooohh....like this one...how did I miss "national religious freedom day" and how do I celebrate it??!] if I don't link them somewhere, and even then my memory is suspect...but really, all the 'personal' posts seem to have this whingy, pity-me, acid dripping cynical tone. Gawd...is that all that these years of grad school have reduced me to...and me with years of hard-core Diss. work yet to go???!! Oh man...
Hell, I think the first post of this year was even something along the lines of a resolution to QUIT doing that...and I seem to have a really lousy start on that 'resolution'.
Ok...now how on earth did I get from writing about not writing (huh?!) to my whiney ass-self? I swear sometimes I need to get checked for that adult ADD or something.[oooo...pretty shiny blog things...oooo... gotta remember to read this one more, not like I need more books, but still..] Add on top of that the fact that I seem to rival a goldfish for short term memory and it's just a bundle of fun getting older folks! sigh...
Hmmm.. here's another interesting blog post about digital media and research on digi media...didn't I post about this a short while ago, or did I just imagine that I read something, linked to it, and wrote a post about it???
Alright, I think I was going to write about how I've been on the road...again...and that's why no postings for days. Not that I didn't have my laptop...I do. Not that I don't have internet...I do...wireless even. Not that I haven't been checking email and working on the computer...I have. I just have let time get away from me while I'm away on personal business. The computer time i have carved out has been mostly spent on the important, and necessary, bits of school related work that just HAD to be done on a certain time frame, and other than that, little else Net related.
And I haven't even done more of the school related stuff I should be. I had this meeting on Friday before leaving town where I kinda sorta publicly stated I was going to try to submit a proposal, based on my Diss. topic, to a doctoral student consortium at a major conference in Far Away City, this summer.
ummmmm....deadline is this coming Monday. WHAT THE F--K was I thinking??????!!!! Oh holy hell....
something tells me the plane ride home to a wintry, cold, wet, miserable home in the Burbs ain't gonna be nearly as productive as I imagined it might be. oh crud....
Friday, January 12, 2007
Rain stopped
Earlier this week I posted an overly long rant...maybe screed is a better word?!... on the latest and greatest headaches in grad school. Yes! More whining! Aren't you surprised?
No, I didn't think so...
Well, I'm happy to report that Advocate talked me down and gave me a good "there, there" and reassured me that LooseGoose is being...well... "loose". Quacking up the wrong tree...or pond...or cracker...or whatever. The upcoming Pow-Wow may not be so bad afterall, and now I know more, and am better prepared and thus feeling a bit more ready to face the world. And less like I've just been buried under the entire weight of it.
'Course, like everything else, it's all 'subject to change' and I'll review this again after said meeting. Which may not be until next week, I got a shindig to attend this weekend. And there will be copius amounts of food and alchohol involved.
and music.
and sunshine.
Hoooo--ahhh!!
No, I didn't think so...
Well, I'm happy to report that Advocate talked me down and gave me a good "there, there" and reassured me that LooseGoose is being...well... "loose". Quacking up the wrong tree...or pond...or cracker...or whatever. The upcoming Pow-Wow may not be so bad afterall, and now I know more, and am better prepared and thus feeling a bit more ready to face the world. And less like I've just been buried under the entire weight of it.
'Course, like everything else, it's all 'subject to change' and I'll review this again after said meeting. Which may not be until next week, I got a shindig to attend this weekend. And there will be copius amounts of food and alchohol involved.
and music.
and sunshine.
Hoooo--ahhh!!
Aha!!
Ok... instead of waiting and coming back to that list of digital history suggested readings I just posted, I started scanning...just to see if I've read any.
Ha! And now I can righteously feel just the ever so teeniest bit smug...because I have read some.
Ok..."some" is the operative word here. I've read at least 5 of the titles.
[Linked, Sorting Things Out, Social Life of Info, Ambient Findability among them]
But c'mon, does knowing the names of at least 10 more authors count?? And really, where are the other really big players in information retrieval, information science, user studies, to go along with all those information architects, data miners, software geeks, AI lovers and code gurus?!? Can you really talk about 'digital history' without talking more about digital libraries, repositories, digital preservation, or the more 'history' side of things? Interesting to see how so many from different perspectives are playing in the same area, in barely overlapping circles.
Ha! And now I can righteously feel just the ever so teeniest bit smug...because I have read some.
Ok..."some" is the operative word here. I've read at least 5 of the titles.
[Linked, Sorting Things Out, Social Life of Info, Ambient Findability among them]
But c'mon, does knowing the names of at least 10 more authors count?? And really, where are the other really big players in information retrieval, information science, user studies, to go along with all those information architects, data miners, software geeks, AI lovers and code gurus?!? Can you really talk about 'digital history' without talking more about digital libraries, repositories, digital preservation, or the more 'history' side of things? Interesting to see how so many from different perspectives are playing in the same area, in barely overlapping circles.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
When it rains it pours
Out here in my part of the country today that applies literally as well as methaphorically.
Today was the official start of the new term and I managed to run at least 5-10 minutes behind all day it seemed. Constantly playing catch-up. Isn't that just the bitch of it?! I have no deadlines and nothing I absolutely have to do for at least two weeks, and then stuff all crashes down in one day.
Interesting candidate presentation at Metro today with someone whose research interests are right up my alley. Very personable too it seemed. But I was a few minutes late, missed my opportunity to talk further at lunch because of another commitment and missed another shot at talking because of class. I think my Metro dept. is going to wind up on the fence here, and for selfish reasons of research connections that would be disappointing.
The class thing was a bit disorganized but I think that's to be expected when you're trying to do it for the first time via video conference. I hope it settles out in the next few weeks. I may have to rework what my proposal was/is for my deliverable for this "class".
And that is connected to my biggest headache of the day. It came at the very end too, when Astro relayed some news of a meeting with LooseGoose as we walked out of our building to go home. Seems LooseGoose is backpedaling now on the whole "yes you're funded" bit that Advocate communicated to us back in November. [here is where I was going to link to a post about that, but apparently I didn't actually write about it. d'oh] We hear one thing, think we may lose our funding support because the Principal Investigator may not get the grant refunded/renewed, then we hear something and we think we do have guaranteed funding, now same-said PI (LooseGoose) is saying "no, no guarantee on $$".
Now, is this because our dept at Metro doesn't have the $$ they thought they did? is it because the dept. doesn't really want to fund us because they don't think we're 'worthy' somehow (this too is now being implied)? Is it because the dept. wants or needs the $$ to go get some more poor naive new PhD students (never mind that we have too many at pre-candidacy stage already)? is it because LooseGoose doesn't think the investigator team did such a great job on the grant renewal proposal and is gonna get shot down...or it gets shot down because 'we' didn't do 'enough' to warrant more $$ from said funding agency? or some other odd combination of money, politics, poor planning? Becuase I think it's a bit late to tell us we have to go find new funding on our own to replace our stipends, particularly when they haven't prepared us in the least to go write a grant proposal like that, and while we're moving along on our dissertation proposals, we wouldn't qualify for any of the funding that goes to those at dissertation stage of the game. DAMN their disorganization!!! I'm so pissed right now...
I know it's not like this in other schools in my discipline. I know it's not like this in all similar PhD programs...and I'm even pretty sure it's not like this in other disciplines (hassles sure, different problems, but better organization from the websites and blogs and books i've read!).
My program is just one big headache.
And it's only the first day of the bloody term!! C'mon!! Who did I piss off in academia in a former life??
...or in this one?!
Today was the official start of the new term and I managed to run at least 5-10 minutes behind all day it seemed. Constantly playing catch-up. Isn't that just the bitch of it?! I have no deadlines and nothing I absolutely have to do for at least two weeks, and then stuff all crashes down in one day.
Interesting candidate presentation at Metro today with someone whose research interests are right up my alley. Very personable too it seemed. But I was a few minutes late, missed my opportunity to talk further at lunch because of another commitment and missed another shot at talking because of class. I think my Metro dept. is going to wind up on the fence here, and for selfish reasons of research connections that would be disappointing.
The class thing was a bit disorganized but I think that's to be expected when you're trying to do it for the first time via video conference. I hope it settles out in the next few weeks. I may have to rework what my proposal was/is for my deliverable for this "class".
And that is connected to my biggest headache of the day. It came at the very end too, when Astro relayed some news of a meeting with LooseGoose as we walked out of our building to go home. Seems LooseGoose is backpedaling now on the whole "yes you're funded" bit that Advocate communicated to us back in November. [here is where I was going to link to a post about that, but apparently I didn't actually write about it. d'oh] We hear one thing, think we may lose our funding support because the Principal Investigator may not get the grant refunded/renewed, then we hear something and we think we do have guaranteed funding, now same-said PI (LooseGoose) is saying "no, no guarantee on $$".
Now, is this because our dept at Metro doesn't have the $$ they thought they did? is it because the dept. doesn't really want to fund us because they don't think we're 'worthy' somehow (this too is now being implied)? Is it because the dept. wants or needs the $$ to go get some more poor naive new PhD students (never mind that we have too many at pre-candidacy stage already)? is it because LooseGoose doesn't think the investigator team did such a great job on the grant renewal proposal and is gonna get shot down...or it gets shot down because 'we' didn't do 'enough' to warrant more $$ from said funding agency? or some other odd combination of money, politics, poor planning? Becuase I think it's a bit late to tell us we have to go find new funding on our own to replace our stipends, particularly when they haven't prepared us in the least to go write a grant proposal like that, and while we're moving along on our dissertation proposals, we wouldn't qualify for any of the funding that goes to those at dissertation stage of the game. DAMN their disorganization!!! I'm so pissed right now...
I know it's not like this in other schools in my discipline. I know it's not like this in all similar PhD programs...and I'm even pretty sure it's not like this in other disciplines (hassles sure, different problems, but better organization from the websites and blogs and books i've read!).
My program is just one big headache.
And it's only the first day of the bloody term!! C'mon!! Who did I piss off in academia in a former life??
...or in this one?!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
New year...same headaches?
Oops...apparently it's been longer than i thought since my last reflection and post.
Come to think of it though, it about corresponds to the end of the term, and "break". That wonderful artifact of educational calendars when we can supposedly let our minds turn to mush for a few weeks either at the end of a term, or between terms, or whatever. While the winter break is by far the longest, it is by no means the most relaxing, nor do all those days get spent relaxing or recharing one's mental or physical batteries.
Oh nooooo... because winter break includes the stress-filled, angst-riddled, expectation-laden holidays! Wheeeee! But that's an area bit too private to get into out here in the blogosphere, at least it is for me at this time. So let's just leave at this: the holidays were not evil, nor were they awful, neither were they filled with peace, mirth, and goodwill to all. But hey, families are involved here, so how could they?!
New term starts soon, and so the next round of headaches will begin. Will they be the same as the term before, and the whole year before...or different? Hmmm..first indicators after email from LooseGoose are.....
.....
same old same old!! Tada!
Ambiguous expectations, amorphous directions, punitive language, controlling behavior and general cluelessness are expected in the forecast for this coming Winter and Spring. Everyone get out your umbrellas, the shit is about to rain down again. Hope you've got your boots on because it's time to go wading in the puddles of muck that are our beloved Metro U.
But really... one of my resolutions is to get off my @$$ and get more stuff done. Not because THEY want it...Not because it's on THEIR list...but because it's what I want, nay, NEED, to do. Other resolution has to do generally with not letting them get to me, not letting them dictate next steps. I know my research topic, heck I know my research questions and my likely methodology, even a range of potential research sites. So please, just let me go get it done, show me how to achieve what I want to do, what I plan to do, and let's stop playing games. Please stop making me regret ever being at Metro U for my PhD. Help me get done on my terms, with my needs, and my interests. Ok?
See now that's a new year's resolution I can stick with.
Come to think of it though, it about corresponds to the end of the term, and "break". That wonderful artifact of educational calendars when we can supposedly let our minds turn to mush for a few weeks either at the end of a term, or between terms, or whatever. While the winter break is by far the longest, it is by no means the most relaxing, nor do all those days get spent relaxing or recharing one's mental or physical batteries.
Oh nooooo... because winter break includes the stress-filled, angst-riddled, expectation-laden holidays! Wheeeee! But that's an area bit too private to get into out here in the blogosphere, at least it is for me at this time. So let's just leave at this: the holidays were not evil, nor were they awful, neither were they filled with peace, mirth, and goodwill to all. But hey, families are involved here, so how could they?!
New term starts soon, and so the next round of headaches will begin. Will they be the same as the term before, and the whole year before...or different? Hmmm..first indicators after email from LooseGoose are.....
.....
same old same old!! Tada!
Ambiguous expectations, amorphous directions, punitive language, controlling behavior and general cluelessness are expected in the forecast for this coming Winter and Spring. Everyone get out your umbrellas, the shit is about to rain down again. Hope you've got your boots on because it's time to go wading in the puddles of muck that are our beloved Metro U.
But really... one of my resolutions is to get off my @$$ and get more stuff done. Not because THEY want it...Not because it's on THEIR list...but because it's what I want, nay, NEED, to do. Other resolution has to do generally with not letting them get to me, not letting them dictate next steps. I know my research topic, heck I know my research questions and my likely methodology, even a range of potential research sites. So please, just let me go get it done, show me how to achieve what I want to do, what I plan to do, and let's stop playing games. Please stop making me regret ever being at Metro U for my PhD. Help me get done on my terms, with my needs, and my interests. Ok?
See now that's a new year's resolution I can stick with.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Endofterm-itis
It's that time of year again...nearing the end of a term and my brain is shutting down early. Why is it that my mental faculties never seem to match up to the calendar or last as long as the work of the term? And whatever will I do once out in the 'real world' of academia as a prof...having to teach and keep up for a whole semester??!! aaaaiieeee
Seriously...I do wonder somedays if this just isn't some form of adult ADD or related to what I saw mentioned in another blog about "conference ADD". And just to prove that particular point, while I'm reading the post mentioning that, it has this list of things that happen at conferences-- which I agree with way too much!-- and links to several other academic bloggers I wasn't familiar with. So off we go on a tangent... thanks so much to my pitiful attention span!
This one also has a post on things that can go 'wrong' or 'bad' at a conference. And that led to a post on academic job searches, and then another (gee, someone feels more down on themselves then I think I have been in quite some time...and if I actually read all of these posts right now I'd seriously be depressed!)-- interesting note in the post about a "dissertation seminar" and help with job searching. Gee, what's that?? Something Metro isn't going to be offering I'll bet.
I'm in one of 'those' moods re: Metro. Probably because LooseGoose (and I'm assuming Majesty) want us to fill out some form describing our impressions of our first year or so of the program, did it meet our expectations, and what we want them to do for us next. Now you're saying 'why the complaining, see how interested they are, how much they care for their students, what's the bitching about?!' Well...it's never that simple, or as clear as it looks on the surface. Academic politics are much more complicated. And this form is all about politics I think. Reports are due to our funding agency and they need to look good to them. Talk up how they're going to help us, support we'll get, and make it all look so slick and good.
sigh...I'm such a cynic.
All part of endofterm-itis...
Seriously...I do wonder somedays if this just isn't some form of adult ADD or related to what I saw mentioned in another blog about "conference ADD". And just to prove that particular point, while I'm reading the post mentioning that, it has this list of things that happen at conferences-- which I agree with way too much!-- and links to several other academic bloggers I wasn't familiar with. So off we go on a tangent... thanks so much to my pitiful attention span!
This one also has a post on things that can go 'wrong' or 'bad' at a conference. And that led to a post on academic job searches, and then another (gee, someone feels more down on themselves then I think I have been in quite some time...and if I actually read all of these posts right now I'd seriously be depressed!)-- interesting note in the post about a "dissertation seminar" and help with job searching. Gee, what's that?? Something Metro isn't going to be offering I'll bet.
I'm in one of 'those' moods re: Metro. Probably because LooseGoose (and I'm assuming Majesty) want us to fill out some form describing our impressions of our first year or so of the program, did it meet our expectations, and what we want them to do for us next. Now you're saying 'why the complaining, see how interested they are, how much they care for their students, what's the bitching about?!' Well...it's never that simple, or as clear as it looks on the surface. Academic politics are much more complicated. And this form is all about politics I think. Reports are due to our funding agency and they need to look good to them. Talk up how they're going to help us, support we'll get, and make it all look so slick and good.
sigh...I'm such a cynic.
All part of endofterm-itis...
Saturday, November 11, 2006
CogSci Librarian
CogSci Librarian: "Heard another *terrific* TED Talks podcast (and no, I have NO affiliation with Technology, Entertainment, and Design (TED) at all -- I should be so lucky!) about the value of choice in our lives. From the TED Blog: 'Barry Schwartz is a sociology professor at Swarthmore College and author of The Paradox of Choice. In this talk, he persuasively explains how and why the abundance of choice in modern society is actually making us miserable.' "
I'm pretty sure I was already aware of the book, and have read other exceprts. But this is a nice reminder, a tie-in with current coursework, and a way to link to this blog so I can find it later.
Hmmm...thoughts on memory...more relation to coursework. I have a harder and harder time remembering things these days...or, more precisely, I have issues with "recall" and not so much with "recognition".
But in true grad student, supreme nerd fashion, I turned my fitful memory, and my forgetfullness about things like, oh say, my ASSIGNMENT, into a creative, well receive essay. TA-DA!! Ha!
I'm pretty sure I was already aware of the book, and have read other exceprts. But this is a nice reminder, a tie-in with current coursework, and a way to link to this blog so I can find it later.
Hmmm...thoughts on memory...more relation to coursework. I have a harder and harder time remembering things these days...or, more precisely, I have issues with "recall" and not so much with "recognition".
But in true grad student, supreme nerd fashion, I turned my fitful memory, and my forgetfullness about things like, oh say, my ASSIGNMENT, into a creative, well receive essay. TA-DA!! Ha!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Reassigned Time: Mentoring
Reassigned Time: Mentoring: "I've been thinking a lot about mentoring lately, in no small part because so many people have been posting about it lately. (I'm sure there are links I'm missing, too, but those are the ones that immediately jump to mind. Edited to add: Here's another link that I think participates in this conversation that seems to be cropping up all around.) Oh, and I also read something about mentoring on the CHE forums in the context of junior faculty needing mentors."
Off on a new tangent..."mentoring".
worthwhile one. ought to add all the links from this Dr Crazy, and others. Good advice for the down road, career planning, getting ready to hit job market. Course I'm a ways off from there, but better to start worrying...I mean planning...now.
And this blog changed addresses, was supposed to be a link up there about mentoring, but it got lost in the move apparently. But ProfGrrrrl is worth following none the less. Like her style, wit, frequency of posts, brevity at times.
The last embedded link from the blog on mentoring, seems to refer to a story from a grad student who 'got stuck' with their advisor. Glad that's not me, glad to have Advocate. But am worried b/c I heard that at least one of the Newbies we just got (and there are TOO many of 'em given small size of college, not enough faculty, note enough resources, not enough structure...need I go on?!) has been given Advocate as advisor to start with. Major mismatch. MAJOR. Nothing in common. Why did the College do that to either of them? And now this Newbie doesn't think terribly much of Advocate, and I hate that gossip or bad mouthing is going on about Advocate, when it's not her fault she was assigned someone whose background, interests, research topics, and everything else are a total mismatch.
AAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH.
Yes, yes...being overly defensisve and protective here no doubt. But considering the luck I've had with advisors, even my great ones, and the overall issues within dept. at Metro U...I do NOT need any more hassles, hurdles or the like. And I see any hassles of Advocate as becoming potential hassles of me. Grrrrrr....
Off on a new tangent..."mentoring".
worthwhile one. ought to add all the links from this Dr Crazy, and others. Good advice for the down road, career planning, getting ready to hit job market. Course I'm a ways off from there, but better to start worrying...I mean planning...now.
And this blog changed addresses, was supposed to be a link up there about mentoring, but it got lost in the move apparently. But ProfGrrrrl is worth following none the less. Like her style, wit, frequency of posts, brevity at times.
The last embedded link from the blog on mentoring, seems to refer to a story from a grad student who 'got stuck' with their advisor. Glad that's not me, glad to have Advocate. But am worried b/c I heard that at least one of the Newbies we just got (and there are TOO many of 'em given small size of college, not enough faculty, note enough resources, not enough structure...need I go on?!) has been given Advocate as advisor to start with. Major mismatch. MAJOR. Nothing in common. Why did the College do that to either of them? And now this Newbie doesn't think terribly much of Advocate, and I hate that gossip or bad mouthing is going on about Advocate, when it's not her fault she was assigned someone whose background, interests, research topics, and everything else are a total mismatch.
AAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH.
Yes, yes...being overly defensisve and protective here no doubt. But considering the luck I've had with advisors, even my great ones, and the overall issues within dept. at Metro U...I do NOT need any more hassles, hurdles or the like. And I see any hassles of Advocate as becoming potential hassles of me. Grrrrrr....
Monday, October 30, 2006
The Carnival of GRADual Progress
The Carnival of GRADual Progress
"Carnivals"... one of those Web2.0 things in the blogosphere I 'thought' I knew about, or knew what they all meant...but maybe not afterall.
At least here's one that might have some direct relevancy to my current state, and status. Now if I can just figure out the semantics, culture...and oh, for pete's sake, stop using academic words...if I can wrap my head around WTF these are, maybe someday I'll contribute.
Or just keep lurking...
"Carnivals"... one of those Web2.0 things in the blogosphere I 'thought' I knew about, or knew what they all meant...but maybe not afterall.
At least here's one that might have some direct relevancy to my current state, and status. Now if I can just figure out the semantics, culture...and oh, for pete's sake, stop using academic words...if I can wrap my head around WTF these are, maybe someday I'll contribute.
Or just keep lurking...
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