Do NOT ... I repeat NOT, take more than 2 grad school, PhD-y classes atthe same time, and certainly not 3, with one being at a different university, on a different academic topic, on a different academic calendar.
Unless of course you WANT to lose your sanity and precious sleep when terms start overlapping and the ramp-up reading for one course coincides with the finals, presentations and whopping papers of another course.
I'm nuts .... just plain freaking nuts. And I seriously question what on earth I was thinking or what I've gotten out of this little exercise?!!
I think, no I really hope, that as I finish the bloody paper for this off-campus 'extra' course that I figure out how it fits in and really moves me forward. Especially since it was my bloody idea to take the bloody thing in the first place!! Nuts I tell you, nuts.
Showing posts with label Things that make my head hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things that make my head hurt. Show all posts
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
From the frying pan into the fire...
Let's see, another original post about how busy and stressed I am...
Well, c'mon! I'm a grad student in a PhD program dammit...isn't being stressed and uncertain written into the acceptance letter or something?
But still, it does seem like this term has been more stressful than most, if not for shear workload and feeling the grad school equivalent of some "biological clock" ticking away...hmmm, more like the "Doomsday clock" perhaps? Right at the point where you think you know what your resesarch is about, and you think you know how you're going to tackle it, you see exactly how much or really how little, time there is to achieve it and get moving before the inertia and sheer force of 'grad-dom' overtakes you and you never wind up finishing.
I think that's where I am now.
Add to that, our annual reviews of our progress in the progrem and tightening of the screws on our research interests and 'efforts at making progress toward an achievable' dissertation. You walk around feeling like everything is quicksand. Or in the case of Metro, where everything is um, 'challenging', there are more hoops to jump through. No, wait... ... Flaming hoops. Yes, flaming hoops, and my ass keeps getting singed on the way through.
For instance after my annual review, and discussions with Advocate and others of my faculty committee, there seem to be concerns about the direction I want to take my dissertation. Concern that I'm trying to study an area that I have no prior first-hand experience in, no working experience in, and therefore it's unlikely I'll be able to teach in it when I'm done (I'm in a very practically based discipline-- prior experience is key). No, unlike many other fields where doing the dissertation research is precisely what sets you up as uniquely qualified to teach what you've just spent a few years researching, living and breathing -- in mine, that's not enough.
No, I'm not even really whining here-- I understand that point and that necessity very well. I'm one of the first to agree that a professor in my field needs real life experience to go along with the research work in order to teach. Hell, I know that's my shortcoming here. Of course, so did Metro when they accepted me into a special program with a stipulation to teach in that field when I was done. But yeah, it's my biggest fear that I'll never have enough cred to get a teaching job when I'm done because of the lack of 'real' work in that area. It's what gives me 'hives' practically, and has me lie awake at night. It's what I've confessed to my shrink (when I had one), to my BF and to Astro, Mambo and the rest. That all this studying, all the research, everything will be for naught because in the end 'how can I teach something I never actually did'?!?
And because my research wants to look at this subset of my field, as a part, there is concern from my committee that it doesn't make sense.
Hell, if we all only did research on what we comfortably know, nothing innovative would ever happen! And if I only did research on what I did in my past, I'm not sure I'd be in grad school at all -- my past was just that, the PAST! And not terribly connected to where I am now-- sure, tangentially, and sure, it all builds like Legos. But it's not a direct-connect, and it's not something I will research.
So do I change my topic? Do I start over and look for new research questions? Do I try and make something out of my work for this 'new' web initiative that Metro has taken over from another college in my field? Are there real research questions there -- because all the ones that have come to my head just seem like marketing issues for this web thing. Do I ditch the topic revolving around history merely because I was never a historian, or a history teacher? Does that really mean I can't possibly understand the importance of new media and new resources in teaching this subject? Or in the power of inquiry-based learning, constructing new learner-centered knowledge from the powerful primary sources we have available? Do I put that all aside because I wasn't an elementary or secondary ed teacher, or a school librarian, or anything else that interacts with kids and education on a daily basis?
Where is the role of passion? of interest? of seeing a research gap? of wanting to fill that gap? of wanting to bring a new voice to the research? of wanting to represent the teacher, the student, the user of history? Is there no place for any of those roles in the research path they think I should tread? I understand their concern, I understand their caution. Really, I do. I want to believe in my heart that they said what they have because they care, because they want me to succeed.
But I'm left shaken, and uncertain. Standing on wobbly knees. Seeking answers from a computer screen, sending furtive emails, awaiting some gentle reassurance... which may not come.
I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel...
...
...
... but it turns out it was a damn train.
Well, c'mon! I'm a grad student in a PhD program dammit...isn't being stressed and uncertain written into the acceptance letter or something?
But still, it does seem like this term has been more stressful than most, if not for shear workload and feeling the grad school equivalent of some "biological clock" ticking away...hmmm, more like the "Doomsday clock" perhaps? Right at the point where you think you know what your resesarch is about, and you think you know how you're going to tackle it, you see exactly how much or really how little, time there is to achieve it and get moving before the inertia and sheer force of 'grad-dom' overtakes you and you never wind up finishing.
I think that's where I am now.
Add to that, our annual reviews of our progress in the progrem and tightening of the screws on our research interests and 'efforts at making progress toward an achievable' dissertation. You walk around feeling like everything is quicksand. Or in the case of Metro, where everything is um, 'challenging', there are more hoops to jump through. No, wait... ... Flaming hoops. Yes, flaming hoops, and my ass keeps getting singed on the way through.
For instance after my annual review, and discussions with Advocate and others of my faculty committee, there seem to be concerns about the direction I want to take my dissertation. Concern that I'm trying to study an area that I have no prior first-hand experience in, no working experience in, and therefore it's unlikely I'll be able to teach in it when I'm done (I'm in a very practically based discipline-- prior experience is key). No, unlike many other fields where doing the dissertation research is precisely what sets you up as uniquely qualified to teach what you've just spent a few years researching, living and breathing -- in mine, that's not enough.
No, I'm not even really whining here-- I understand that point and that necessity very well. I'm one of the first to agree that a professor in my field needs real life experience to go along with the research work in order to teach. Hell, I know that's my shortcoming here. Of course, so did Metro when they accepted me into a special program with a stipulation to teach in that field when I was done. But yeah, it's my biggest fear that I'll never have enough cred to get a teaching job when I'm done because of the lack of 'real' work in that area. It's what gives me 'hives' practically, and has me lie awake at night. It's what I've confessed to my shrink (when I had one), to my BF and to Astro, Mambo and the rest. That all this studying, all the research, everything will be for naught because in the end 'how can I teach something I never actually did'?!?
And because my research wants to look at this subset of my field, as a part, there is concern from my committee that it doesn't make sense.
Hell, if we all only did research on what we comfortably know, nothing innovative would ever happen! And if I only did research on what I did in my past, I'm not sure I'd be in grad school at all -- my past was just that, the PAST! And not terribly connected to where I am now-- sure, tangentially, and sure, it all builds like Legos. But it's not a direct-connect, and it's not something I will research.
So do I change my topic? Do I start over and look for new research questions? Do I try and make something out of my work for this 'new' web initiative that Metro has taken over from another college in my field? Are there real research questions there -- because all the ones that have come to my head just seem like marketing issues for this web thing. Do I ditch the topic revolving around history merely because I was never a historian, or a history teacher? Does that really mean I can't possibly understand the importance of new media and new resources in teaching this subject? Or in the power of inquiry-based learning, constructing new learner-centered knowledge from the powerful primary sources we have available? Do I put that all aside because I wasn't an elementary or secondary ed teacher, or a school librarian, or anything else that interacts with kids and education on a daily basis?
Where is the role of passion? of interest? of seeing a research gap? of wanting to fill that gap? of wanting to bring a new voice to the research? of wanting to represent the teacher, the student, the user of history? Is there no place for any of those roles in the research path they think I should tread? I understand their concern, I understand their caution. Really, I do. I want to believe in my heart that they said what they have because they care, because they want me to succeed.
But I'm left shaken, and uncertain. Standing on wobbly knees. Seeking answers from a computer screen, sending furtive emails, awaiting some gentle reassurance... which may not come.
I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel...
...
...
... but it turns out it was a damn train.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Tech news, media and hints of censorship-- a short round-up
Wired News: Adobe Tackles Photo Forgeries
Fascinating stuff!! Great tech explanations here and about why this is so important now, gives a few examples of recent episodes of questionable photos. And while we're on the subject of photos, here's a link to recent news that Microsoft is aiming to take on JPEG as the photo file standard. Is there any area Microsoft doesn't want to own??!! H/T to Slashdot for this one.
While I'm not necessarily a big fan of the SI 'swimsuit issue', I am a huge fan of fairness, equality and saying no to censorhip in all its forms. With that said, here's a link to a story that SI is refusing to send its biggest selling issue to libraries that hold subscriptions. Not cool. Here's more commentary on that from the library community.
"In an unannounced policy change that already has librarians fuming, Sports Illustrated (SI) decided this year to withhold copies of its risque annual swimsuit issue from classrooms and libraries."
For anyone out there who thinks that the whole digital book, or Google scanning project (or ones similar) thing are in any way a sexy, techie endeavour... I've got news for you...it's not. It's lonely, probably boring, definitely dark, and not very intellectual or high-skill. Perhaps necessary, but not thrilling in any way. Check out the links from the great folks at Resource Shelf in the Comments section. Gary Price is a guru of the highest order.
"A suite of photo-authentication tools under development by Adobe Systems could make it possible to match a digital photo to the camera that shot it, and to detect some improper manipulation of images ... But the advent of Photoshop and its variety of tools has made it easier for photographers to tinker with images after they're captured. By the same token, the internet has allowed skeptical bloggers around the world to analyze photos in depth, and expose chicanery. ... hopes to develop a plug-in that will detect if a photo has been changed at all since it was taken."
Fascinating stuff!! Great tech explanations here and about why this is so important now, gives a few examples of recent episodes of questionable photos. And while we're on the subject of photos, here's a link to recent news that Microsoft is aiming to take on JPEG as the photo file standard. Is there any area Microsoft doesn't want to own??!! H/T to Slashdot for this one.
"Microsoft Corp. will soon submit to an international standards organization a new photo format that offers higher-quality images with better compression, the company said today.The format, HD Photo -- recently renamed from Windows Media Photo -- is taking aim at the JPEG format, a 15-year-old technology widely used in digital cameras and image applications."
While I'm not necessarily a big fan of the SI 'swimsuit issue', I am a huge fan of fairness, equality and saying no to censorhip in all its forms. With that said, here's a link to a story that SI is refusing to send its biggest selling issue to libraries that hold subscriptions. Not cool. Here's more commentary on that from the library community.
"In an unannounced policy change that already has librarians fuming, Sports Illustrated (SI) decided this year to withhold copies of its risque annual swimsuit issue from classrooms and libraries."
For anyone out there who thinks that the whole digital book, or Google scanning project (or ones similar) thing are in any way a sexy, techie endeavour... I've got news for you...it's not. It's lonely, probably boring, definitely dark, and not very intellectual or high-skill. Perhaps necessary, but not thrilling in any way. Check out the links from the great folks at Resource Shelf in the Comments section. Gary Price is a guru of the highest order.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Time flies...
"...when you're having fun", or so the quote goes.
I'm not sure that's at all apt here. Since when is grad school "fun"??!!
But time sure flies anyway. One minute it's a Friday, I'm having a good chat with Blue about a research project and I swear the next minute it's nearly two weeks later and I haven't gotten done half of what I wanted to, or planned to, on that research project or half of my other crap. Damn. I've been so busy I haven't gotten anything done.
And now by the time I get around to actually posting this 'post' an entire month will have elapsed since I had this particualr angst, and yet it all still rings so true! I'm further along in the project with Blue, but we're not quite where we wanted to be, and are having some techie issues trying to share data collection and make sure we both know what the other is doing.
In the meantime though I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I have no idea where this term has gone. I have not a clue how I will get finsihed all that still needs to be done, and yet I've been super productive through most of the winter. So much so that at times I seem like I never get any sleep, or have time to sit and think about reserch or projects, or hell, just to breathe!
It seems like every deadline I could possibly have, for what seems like the whole damn year, all hit in the same 3 week or so period. Conferences, workshops, doc student consortia, internal paper deadlines, annual reviews, personal stuff-- you name it, it's all been due the past month. And naturally that's also when my immune system gave up and of course I wound up with the flu. Not the 24-48 hour kind like all my friends and relatives.... oh nooooo... I get the strain that lingers for a week, leaves you feeling like you got run over by a Mack truck and then lets crap linger in your head and chest for weeks. Oh joy.
So there, that's why my pathetic self hasn't been blogging in forever. Yes, the outlet would've been good for me, get some of the stress out. Gawd knows there's been enough of that lately. So maybe better late than never.
I'm not sure that's at all apt here. Since when is grad school "fun"??!!
But time sure flies anyway. One minute it's a Friday, I'm having a good chat with Blue about a research project and I swear the next minute it's nearly two weeks later and I haven't gotten done half of what I wanted to, or planned to, on that research project or half of my other crap. Damn. I've been so busy I haven't gotten anything done.
And now by the time I get around to actually posting this 'post' an entire month will have elapsed since I had this particualr angst, and yet it all still rings so true! I'm further along in the project with Blue, but we're not quite where we wanted to be, and are having some techie issues trying to share data collection and make sure we both know what the other is doing.
In the meantime though I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I have no idea where this term has gone. I have not a clue how I will get finsihed all that still needs to be done, and yet I've been super productive through most of the winter. So much so that at times I seem like I never get any sleep, or have time to sit and think about reserch or projects, or hell, just to breathe!
It seems like every deadline I could possibly have, for what seems like the whole damn year, all hit in the same 3 week or so period. Conferences, workshops, doc student consortia, internal paper deadlines, annual reviews, personal stuff-- you name it, it's all been due the past month. And naturally that's also when my immune system gave up and of course I wound up with the flu. Not the 24-48 hour kind like all my friends and relatives.... oh nooooo... I get the strain that lingers for a week, leaves you feeling like you got run over by a Mack truck and then lets crap linger in your head and chest for weeks. Oh joy.
So there, that's why my pathetic self hasn't been blogging in forever. Yes, the outlet would've been good for me, get some of the stress out. Gawd knows there's been enough of that lately. So maybe better late than never.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Slashdot | Meetings Make You Dumber
Slashdot: Meetings Make You Dumber
Check out this link on Slashdot to a study reported on MSNBC where researchers have confirmed what many have long thought-- large group meetings are a waste of time and instead of great new ideas, you get "group think".
Well, now this makes my past life make a bit more sense. And explains why so much of the advertising on U.S. TV is crap-- it's dreamt up first be ad types stuck in a room together, then by focus groups of consumers stuck in a room together, and then vetted by more people stuck in a room together.
On a slightly more serious note, for all of us doing qualitative research out there in academe, this is indeed one of the downsides of focus group based research and something to be aware of. Not a reason not to talk with subjects in groups, just need to be aware of all potential pitfalls and know your way around them.
Check out this link on Slashdot to a study reported on MSNBC where researchers have confirmed what many have long thought-- large group meetings are a waste of time and instead of great new ideas, you get "group think".
Well, now this makes my past life make a bit more sense. And explains why so much of the advertising on U.S. TV is crap-- it's dreamt up first be ad types stuck in a room together, then by focus groups of consumers stuck in a room together, and then vetted by more people stuck in a room together.
On a slightly more serious note, for all of us doing qualitative research out there in academe, this is indeed one of the downsides of focus group based research and something to be aware of. Not a reason not to talk with subjects in groups, just need to be aware of all potential pitfalls and know your way around them.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Help from the blogosphere
Saw this post on BlogHer, which I don't often read (but very occasionally look at the education blogroll), but caught this one because of the reference to Bitch PhD. Post is about a talk given at Emory about mentoring grad students. [conference on education was going on at same time...I thought about trying to submit for this one or go to it at some point...may do so someday-- Educause. ]
I really like this part discussing something that many grad students undoubtedly feel at some time, I know I sure as hell have... "imposter syndrome".
Wow. Well, that pretty much sums up a whole lot of complaining, venting, angsting, whining and banging my head against a wall for the past 18 months...literally, figuratively and "blog-ily".
Why can't Metro U or my dept have some of these mentoring tools and tips as mentioned in the Bitch PhD talk, or one the many websites out there for helping grad students? Like this one from U of North TX for Sociology students, or this one from Inside Higher Ed [didn't I blog about this earlier???] ? this site has a long article on mentoring (in a very poorly designed website. ugh. and I have serious concerns about its credibility despite its good intentions because I have no idea who this org is... ahh, an information literacy and web credibility problem within my own little posting...great!) From a more credible site (About.com-- commercial yes, but fairly reliable and credible) there's an article as part of a series on grad studies and relationships with faculty. From the west there's this set of resources from U Washington, including a link to 'helping prepare future faculty'.
I'm not the only one out in the blogosphere looking for help, railing at their university to do more, do something more concrete and logical. Love this quote, "Signing progress reports does not a mentor make. " HA! Hello, Metro U?? Are you listening??!
This started as me wanting to link out to others in the academic blogosphere who are helping others, and to take some of that energy out there and channel it. I don't have a whole lot to offer back in terms of mentoring, but I'll work on it for later.
I really like this part discussing something that many grad students undoubtedly feel at some time, I know I sure as hell have... "imposter syndrome".
One such issue is impostor
syndrome, where, in a grad school context, you feel as if you don't
really belong where you are, that you're a fraud and everyone will eventually
find out. You're not intelligent enough, you haven't read enough, you don't work
as hard as everyone else--and when you do work
hard, you feel as if your labor gets you nowhere.
Wow. Well, that pretty much sums up a whole lot of complaining, venting, angsting, whining and banging my head against a wall for the past 18 months...literally, figuratively and "blog-ily".
Why can't Metro U or my dept have some of these mentoring tools and tips as mentioned in the Bitch PhD talk, or one the many websites out there for helping grad students? Like this one from U of North TX for Sociology students, or this one from Inside Higher Ed [didn't I blog about this earlier???] ? this site has a long article on mentoring (in a very poorly designed website. ugh. and I have serious concerns about its credibility despite its good intentions because I have no idea who this org is... ahh, an information literacy and web credibility problem within my own little posting...great!) From a more credible site (About.com-- commercial yes, but fairly reliable and credible) there's an article as part of a series on grad studies and relationships with faculty. From the west there's this set of resources from U Washington, including a link to 'helping prepare future faculty'.
I'm not the only one out in the blogosphere looking for help, railing at their university to do more, do something more concrete and logical. Love this quote, "Signing progress reports does not a mentor make. " HA! Hello, Metro U?? Are you listening??!
This started as me wanting to link out to others in the academic blogosphere who are helping others, and to take some of that energy out there and channel it. I don't have a whole lot to offer back in terms of mentoring, but I'll work on it for later.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
State of indifference | Salon.com
State of indifference Salon.com
"Bush views his State of the Union speech as another occasion for declaring what he will do regardless of what anyone thinks (with Cheney's approval). His intention is not to report on the state of the Union. It is to express his state of indifference to the Union. "
Brilliant...just brilliant. Well written, well backed-up, and just scathing enough.
No this piece has nothing whatsoever to do with my graduate studies...only in that Tuesday's numbingly painful to watch, State of Obliviousness from the Dodo in Chief will give me a very good excuse to turn off the darn TV and get some serious reading and work done!
"Bush views his State of the Union speech as another occasion for declaring what he will do regardless of what anyone thinks (with Cheney's approval). His intention is not to report on the state of the Union. It is to express his state of indifference to the Union. "
Brilliant...just brilliant. Well written, well backed-up, and just scathing enough.
No this piece has nothing whatsoever to do with my graduate studies...only in that Tuesday's numbingly painful to watch, State of Obliviousness from the Dodo in Chief will give me a very good excuse to turn off the darn TV and get some serious reading and work done!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
When it rains it pours
Out here in my part of the country today that applies literally as well as methaphorically.
Today was the official start of the new term and I managed to run at least 5-10 minutes behind all day it seemed. Constantly playing catch-up. Isn't that just the bitch of it?! I have no deadlines and nothing I absolutely have to do for at least two weeks, and then stuff all crashes down in one day.
Interesting candidate presentation at Metro today with someone whose research interests are right up my alley. Very personable too it seemed. But I was a few minutes late, missed my opportunity to talk further at lunch because of another commitment and missed another shot at talking because of class. I think my Metro dept. is going to wind up on the fence here, and for selfish reasons of research connections that would be disappointing.
The class thing was a bit disorganized but I think that's to be expected when you're trying to do it for the first time via video conference. I hope it settles out in the next few weeks. I may have to rework what my proposal was/is for my deliverable for this "class".
And that is connected to my biggest headache of the day. It came at the very end too, when Astro relayed some news of a meeting with LooseGoose as we walked out of our building to go home. Seems LooseGoose is backpedaling now on the whole "yes you're funded" bit that Advocate communicated to us back in November. [here is where I was going to link to a post about that, but apparently I didn't actually write about it. d'oh] We hear one thing, think we may lose our funding support because the Principal Investigator may not get the grant refunded/renewed, then we hear something and we think we do have guaranteed funding, now same-said PI (LooseGoose) is saying "no, no guarantee on $$".
Now, is this because our dept at Metro doesn't have the $$ they thought they did? is it because the dept. doesn't really want to fund us because they don't think we're 'worthy' somehow (this too is now being implied)? Is it because the dept. wants or needs the $$ to go get some more poor naive new PhD students (never mind that we have too many at pre-candidacy stage already)? is it because LooseGoose doesn't think the investigator team did such a great job on the grant renewal proposal and is gonna get shot down...or it gets shot down because 'we' didn't do 'enough' to warrant more $$ from said funding agency? or some other odd combination of money, politics, poor planning? Becuase I think it's a bit late to tell us we have to go find new funding on our own to replace our stipends, particularly when they haven't prepared us in the least to go write a grant proposal like that, and while we're moving along on our dissertation proposals, we wouldn't qualify for any of the funding that goes to those at dissertation stage of the game. DAMN their disorganization!!! I'm so pissed right now...
I know it's not like this in other schools in my discipline. I know it's not like this in all similar PhD programs...and I'm even pretty sure it's not like this in other disciplines (hassles sure, different problems, but better organization from the websites and blogs and books i've read!).
My program is just one big headache.
And it's only the first day of the bloody term!! C'mon!! Who did I piss off in academia in a former life??
...or in this one?!
Today was the official start of the new term and I managed to run at least 5-10 minutes behind all day it seemed. Constantly playing catch-up. Isn't that just the bitch of it?! I have no deadlines and nothing I absolutely have to do for at least two weeks, and then stuff all crashes down in one day.
Interesting candidate presentation at Metro today with someone whose research interests are right up my alley. Very personable too it seemed. But I was a few minutes late, missed my opportunity to talk further at lunch because of another commitment and missed another shot at talking because of class. I think my Metro dept. is going to wind up on the fence here, and for selfish reasons of research connections that would be disappointing.
The class thing was a bit disorganized but I think that's to be expected when you're trying to do it for the first time via video conference. I hope it settles out in the next few weeks. I may have to rework what my proposal was/is for my deliverable for this "class".
And that is connected to my biggest headache of the day. It came at the very end too, when Astro relayed some news of a meeting with LooseGoose as we walked out of our building to go home. Seems LooseGoose is backpedaling now on the whole "yes you're funded" bit that Advocate communicated to us back in November. [here is where I was going to link to a post about that, but apparently I didn't actually write about it. d'oh] We hear one thing, think we may lose our funding support because the Principal Investigator may not get the grant refunded/renewed, then we hear something and we think we do have guaranteed funding, now same-said PI (LooseGoose) is saying "no, no guarantee on $$".
Now, is this because our dept at Metro doesn't have the $$ they thought they did? is it because the dept. doesn't really want to fund us because they don't think we're 'worthy' somehow (this too is now being implied)? Is it because the dept. wants or needs the $$ to go get some more poor naive new PhD students (never mind that we have too many at pre-candidacy stage already)? is it because LooseGoose doesn't think the investigator team did such a great job on the grant renewal proposal and is gonna get shot down...or it gets shot down because 'we' didn't do 'enough' to warrant more $$ from said funding agency? or some other odd combination of money, politics, poor planning? Becuase I think it's a bit late to tell us we have to go find new funding on our own to replace our stipends, particularly when they haven't prepared us in the least to go write a grant proposal like that, and while we're moving along on our dissertation proposals, we wouldn't qualify for any of the funding that goes to those at dissertation stage of the game. DAMN their disorganization!!! I'm so pissed right now...
I know it's not like this in other schools in my discipline. I know it's not like this in all similar PhD programs...and I'm even pretty sure it's not like this in other disciplines (hassles sure, different problems, but better organization from the websites and blogs and books i've read!).
My program is just one big headache.
And it's only the first day of the bloody term!! C'mon!! Who did I piss off in academia in a former life??
...or in this one?!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
New year...same headaches?
Oops...apparently it's been longer than i thought since my last reflection and post.
Come to think of it though, it about corresponds to the end of the term, and "break". That wonderful artifact of educational calendars when we can supposedly let our minds turn to mush for a few weeks either at the end of a term, or between terms, or whatever. While the winter break is by far the longest, it is by no means the most relaxing, nor do all those days get spent relaxing or recharing one's mental or physical batteries.
Oh nooooo... because winter break includes the stress-filled, angst-riddled, expectation-laden holidays! Wheeeee! But that's an area bit too private to get into out here in the blogosphere, at least it is for me at this time. So let's just leave at this: the holidays were not evil, nor were they awful, neither were they filled with peace, mirth, and goodwill to all. But hey, families are involved here, so how could they?!
New term starts soon, and so the next round of headaches will begin. Will they be the same as the term before, and the whole year before...or different? Hmmm..first indicators after email from LooseGoose are.....
.....
same old same old!! Tada!
Ambiguous expectations, amorphous directions, punitive language, controlling behavior and general cluelessness are expected in the forecast for this coming Winter and Spring. Everyone get out your umbrellas, the shit is about to rain down again. Hope you've got your boots on because it's time to go wading in the puddles of muck that are our beloved Metro U.
But really... one of my resolutions is to get off my @$$ and get more stuff done. Not because THEY want it...Not because it's on THEIR list...but because it's what I want, nay, NEED, to do. Other resolution has to do generally with not letting them get to me, not letting them dictate next steps. I know my research topic, heck I know my research questions and my likely methodology, even a range of potential research sites. So please, just let me go get it done, show me how to achieve what I want to do, what I plan to do, and let's stop playing games. Please stop making me regret ever being at Metro U for my PhD. Help me get done on my terms, with my needs, and my interests. Ok?
See now that's a new year's resolution I can stick with.
Come to think of it though, it about corresponds to the end of the term, and "break". That wonderful artifact of educational calendars when we can supposedly let our minds turn to mush for a few weeks either at the end of a term, or between terms, or whatever. While the winter break is by far the longest, it is by no means the most relaxing, nor do all those days get spent relaxing or recharing one's mental or physical batteries.
Oh nooooo... because winter break includes the stress-filled, angst-riddled, expectation-laden holidays! Wheeeee! But that's an area bit too private to get into out here in the blogosphere, at least it is for me at this time. So let's just leave at this: the holidays were not evil, nor were they awful, neither were they filled with peace, mirth, and goodwill to all. But hey, families are involved here, so how could they?!
New term starts soon, and so the next round of headaches will begin. Will they be the same as the term before, and the whole year before...or different? Hmmm..first indicators after email from LooseGoose are.....
.....
same old same old!! Tada!
Ambiguous expectations, amorphous directions, punitive language, controlling behavior and general cluelessness are expected in the forecast for this coming Winter and Spring. Everyone get out your umbrellas, the shit is about to rain down again. Hope you've got your boots on because it's time to go wading in the puddles of muck that are our beloved Metro U.
But really... one of my resolutions is to get off my @$$ and get more stuff done. Not because THEY want it...Not because it's on THEIR list...but because it's what I want, nay, NEED, to do. Other resolution has to do generally with not letting them get to me, not letting them dictate next steps. I know my research topic, heck I know my research questions and my likely methodology, even a range of potential research sites. So please, just let me go get it done, show me how to achieve what I want to do, what I plan to do, and let's stop playing games. Please stop making me regret ever being at Metro U for my PhD. Help me get done on my terms, with my needs, and my interests. Ok?
See now that's a new year's resolution I can stick with.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Endofterm-itis
It's that time of year again...nearing the end of a term and my brain is shutting down early. Why is it that my mental faculties never seem to match up to the calendar or last as long as the work of the term? And whatever will I do once out in the 'real world' of academia as a prof...having to teach and keep up for a whole semester??!! aaaaiieeee
Seriously...I do wonder somedays if this just isn't some form of adult ADD or related to what I saw mentioned in another blog about "conference ADD". And just to prove that particular point, while I'm reading the post mentioning that, it has this list of things that happen at conferences-- which I agree with way too much!-- and links to several other academic bloggers I wasn't familiar with. So off we go on a tangent... thanks so much to my pitiful attention span!
This one also has a post on things that can go 'wrong' or 'bad' at a conference. And that led to a post on academic job searches, and then another (gee, someone feels more down on themselves then I think I have been in quite some time...and if I actually read all of these posts right now I'd seriously be depressed!)-- interesting note in the post about a "dissertation seminar" and help with job searching. Gee, what's that?? Something Metro isn't going to be offering I'll bet.
I'm in one of 'those' moods re: Metro. Probably because LooseGoose (and I'm assuming Majesty) want us to fill out some form describing our impressions of our first year or so of the program, did it meet our expectations, and what we want them to do for us next. Now you're saying 'why the complaining, see how interested they are, how much they care for their students, what's the bitching about?!' Well...it's never that simple, or as clear as it looks on the surface. Academic politics are much more complicated. And this form is all about politics I think. Reports are due to our funding agency and they need to look good to them. Talk up how they're going to help us, support we'll get, and make it all look so slick and good.
sigh...I'm such a cynic.
All part of endofterm-itis...
Seriously...I do wonder somedays if this just isn't some form of adult ADD or related to what I saw mentioned in another blog about "conference ADD". And just to prove that particular point, while I'm reading the post mentioning that, it has this list of things that happen at conferences-- which I agree with way too much!-- and links to several other academic bloggers I wasn't familiar with. So off we go on a tangent... thanks so much to my pitiful attention span!
This one also has a post on things that can go 'wrong' or 'bad' at a conference. And that led to a post on academic job searches, and then another (gee, someone feels more down on themselves then I think I have been in quite some time...and if I actually read all of these posts right now I'd seriously be depressed!)-- interesting note in the post about a "dissertation seminar" and help with job searching. Gee, what's that?? Something Metro isn't going to be offering I'll bet.
I'm in one of 'those' moods re: Metro. Probably because LooseGoose (and I'm assuming Majesty) want us to fill out some form describing our impressions of our first year or so of the program, did it meet our expectations, and what we want them to do for us next. Now you're saying 'why the complaining, see how interested they are, how much they care for their students, what's the bitching about?!' Well...it's never that simple, or as clear as it looks on the surface. Academic politics are much more complicated. And this form is all about politics I think. Reports are due to our funding agency and they need to look good to them. Talk up how they're going to help us, support we'll get, and make it all look so slick and good.
sigh...I'm such a cynic.
All part of endofterm-itis...
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