You get one shot

I pretty much took the weekend off from school work.
Given the amount of work I have to do, the tardiness of a good deal of it, and the degree of anxiety I currently feel-- not bright. Brave, perhaps, but not bright.

But dammit, necessary.

Because you only get one shot at life and you have to live it right the first time. No matter what movies and tv shows may lead us to believe, time travel is not (perhaps, "yet") possible, and I don't get a magic 'do-over' at some point. And would I even 'waste' it on going back to do more homework in grad school??? I think not!!
So I'll manage somehow, and pull something out of my butt, like usual. And whatever happens, happens. In the meantimeI enjoy the time I have and how I use it, and the people I spend it with.

Maybe this is all part of hopefully turning a corner on the bleakness I've been feeling amid the stress and frustration of my life. Which I often don't feel entitled to bitch about since all of this is of my own choosing. Of course, I feel that doesn't absolve the situation from complaint-- not that everyone agrees with me on it. Just because I chose to go back to grad school, that I chose this is as my career change and career path, and just becuase it is hard work (as expected), doesn't mean that I lose the right to moan, bitch, whine and complain. Yes I must try and do a bit less of that, and yes I must try and just get my ass in gear and get some of this crap done rather than merely complain about it. But dammit, i still get to complain sometimes.

Maybe lessons learned today away from school work (on the golf course actually) can be applied to rest of life too. See, I had a very frustrating half hour or so warming up, trying to get ready to play golf with DH for first time in many weeks. Hadn't touched a club in weeks. And all of a sudden it's like I forgot how to play the whole damn game. Like I was a whirling monkey or something, flailing away at the sod. Not good. So very not good. Ready to chuck it all, toss the clubs in a lake, not even pay to play, and go crawl under a rock.
Thankfully DH wouldn't let me do that just yet, and valiantly reminded me to stay positive and take it one shot at a time. Yes, so cliched, and yet so true. Besides, DH says, it's a great day out, we're hanging out together, and you never know what might happen. Remember the good stuff. And actually playing wasn't nearly as bad as the practice-- maybe I got all the crappy shots out of the way on the range.

Sooooo..... in the rest of my life, I need to get more positive, and rememer that just because one part sucks, the rest doesn't have to; to stay positive and remember the good stuff and what I do right, stop dwelling on mistakes; stop being so damn hard on myself (god, I'm my own harshest critic by far!); and be open to what comes next. I hope I can actually make half of that stick.

I have to. I only get one shot at life and it shouldn't be spent being miserable so often.