Stay on target...stay on target

Red Leader to Gold Leader.... drifting off target...stay on target!

Oh crud, it is fast approaching the end of the term and already my brain has gone on vacation. Oops, a few weeks too soon.

Have been crunching so hard at this PhD thing for many months (ok, it seems like longer than it has been-- but still!), and that coming straight off the MS, that my brain is boling. I can't concentrate and I can't stay focused to get my work done. It's like there is so much of it to do, or that should be done, that I don't even know where to start. Instead of digging in somewhere...anywhere...I just seem to be 'pulling an ostrich'. See, here I am late at night, writing on this blog instead of doing my reading, working on an overdue paper and/or planning my next research project. There, that's the problem-- too much to do, too many places to start, can't prioritize well.
Hell, I'm probably qualified for clinical depression at this point. [sigh] and no therapist in sight--- she left for another practice and I haven't gotten it together to work something out with her for payment or for finding a new shrink. really need to do so.

Been talking with Astro about how stressed we are and how to get the Profs to cut us some slack. We tired of reading the same thing 6 different ways. " I get it already!!" Yeah, yeah, I know the PhD is supposed to be hard and grueling. But sometimes the expectations are just unrealistic. It would be one thing if we were buried under research-- but no, that isn't what has us scurrying around like crabs avoiding the gulls.

In my department at Metro U, certain faculty, Majesty in particular, seem to have decided that our time as students is best spent in meetings. Meetings that have nothing to do with my Coursework, or my Research, or any potential Dissertation. Thought seems to be that we'll go and absorb and see the brilliance of these other researchers, be in awe, and go off and be just like them. Whoopee. What if their work is nothing like what I want to do? What if i'd be better off actually doing research instead of just hearing about it? There are many ways to learn-- respect that. Respect me. You obviously thought I was a smart, capable adult when you gave me this opportunity-- so treat me like one.

Meanwhile the work piles up, projects are due, there's a Big Group Project making life a nightmare, my social life is in flux, my BF (Best Friend) is in trouble, and I really wish I had a real break coming up for the summer.

Enough whining for now. Must stay focused. Hell, first I must get focused!